Finding My Forever Read online

  I live on the same block on which the shop is located. Living on Main Street has its perks. I don’t need to drive and the only time I take out my beat up Corolla is when I babysit the kids. Everything is within walking distance too; the bank, grocery store and doctor’s office. I’ve waited almost two months; it’s time that I make my appointment. I can’t put it off any longer.

  I wrap my scarf around my neck as I step out into the cold, crisp air. I’m counting the days until spring. Not that it’s overly cold in Beaumont, but I’m looking forward to some sun. I want to watch the flowers bloom as they line the street with every color imaginable. The trees in the park will turn nice and pink with the cherry blossoms. I want to sit on the bench and rest my hand on my swollen belly and feel my baby kick.

  I want to enjoy these things with a partner, but that’s not possible. It would figure that when I finally have enough courage to be with someone, it’s a one-night stand and there’s no hope for us to get together. It’s just my luck that I’m attracted to the one guy who doesn’t really know I exist except for in some hidden room away from everyone. I hate thinking that he doesn’t know my name. I’m telling myself that he does. I’m writing my own story from that night, one filled with unadulterated passion and lust. A night where we watched each other from the other side of the room and when we met in the hallway, alone, we knew.

  It was the first time I had felt safe with a man in a long time. Even though it was just sex, he held me. He kissed me like he was never going to see me again. At least that was true. He moved his hands over my body like he had been there a hundred times before.

  I know I can make a happy story for my child, one that in which the night he was created was full of love and laughter, that he was loved from the moment I found out.

  I take a deep breath and enter the shop. I’m pleasantly surprised to find the guys here.

  “What’s going on?” I ask no one in particular.

  “We’re playing tonight. JD arrived early and we’re bored. The kids will be down to help you bus tables and Ralph is coming in to help you bartend.” Liam kisses me on the cheek after he finishes rambling.

  “Are you expecting a big crowd?”

  “I tweeted about it and put the word on the street,” Jimmy answers as he walks by with a big box in his hand. He sets it down and starts plugging cords into the back.

  “You tweeted?” I question.

  “Twitter, social networking, innit?”

  “I know what Twitter is, Jimmy.”

  Jimmy smiles devilishly. This guy is bad news through and through. “Stay off Twitter, Sweet Lips, it’s full of celebrity wannabe’s and wanna-don’t-be’s.”

  He starts whistling some tune that I’m sure is one of their hits. I suppose if Jimmy ‘tweeted’ all his loyal harems will be out in droves tonight. That means shitty tips and rude women. Yay, fun times for Jenna.

  I go out back, take off my coat and store it in my locker. I think it’s funny that we have lockers, but Josie is all about safety. I admire her for that. We aren’t allowed to leave the shop at night without someone walking us to our cars and, in my case, my apartment. She usually has Liam or Harrison do it, but if they’re not around she calls her friend and local police officer, Paul Baker to come down.

  Josie walks in, followed by Noah. He looks bored and is probably wishing he were at home playing video games.

  “Jimmy tweeted,” I say. “I think that means we’ll be busy.”

  Josie starts to laugh covering her face instantly when she snorts. “Oh God, how embarrassing, I can’t believe I just did that.”

  “I can,” Noah says with a roll of his eyes. “You do it all the time. It annoys dad, by the way.”

  “Oh hush, you,” Josie pushes him away slightly. “Are you over the flu?”

  I nod. I hate lying to her, but she’ll have so many questions that I’m not ready to answer. Truth is I’m not over it. Certain foods make my stomach turn and I’m thankful none of those foods are served here.

  I walk out to the front and start making the coffee. We serve wine and beer mostly. For food, we have pastries and sandwiches. I busy myself setting up. As soon as the doors open, people file in. I ready myself for our first customer, except it’s not a customer who steps up. I give him a half smile, the only thing I can muster. I don’t want people to know and for the life of me can’t understand why he’s standing here looking at me. We aren’t friends. It was one moment, a moment that I’ll remember for a lifetime and one that he can forget about.

  SITTING in Josie’s café and people watching is entertaining. At the table opposite me is a couple. The girl is dressed in jeans and a jumper while her companion is wearing boat-shoes and a tweed coat. It’s laughable really, the differences between the two. I can already tell you, without even knowing her, that if she had the opportunity she’d go home with a band member. Not because of who we are, but because of what we represent. Danger. Excitement. Her friend, on the other hand, would rather be in front of a fire, smoking his cigar and watching some boring documentary on TV. My betting is that the only shagging style in his vocabulary is missionary. His bird though, I can tell she likes it rough. I bet she likes to have her hair pulled and her arse spanked, maybe. Their relationship is in its early days. They’re testing the water and it’s about to get rocky. I should offer the poor bloke a dinghy to save his slowly sinking ego.

  The café part of Josie’s business is small, but has a homey feel. I like that I can come in here whenever I want and play an acoustic set or just sit in the corner and have a coffee. She always has fresh chocolate chip cookies too, and I really like those.

  Jenna walks past with a tray of drinks. She’s usually wearing a skirt or dress, but tonight she’s sporting a pair of black trousers that accentuate all of her curves. Her dark red hair is longer than normal. I remember she was wearing it up for Liam and Josie’s wedding because I couldn’t stop staring at her neck. But I didn’t stop at her neck. I took in every inch of her body. I’ve never been a parts man, but looking at Jenna makes me want to be one, although I’d never be able to stop at just one place as far as she’s concerned.

  I have trouble talking to her and I don’t know why. Our earlier conversation, albeit short, was stupid. I felt like a complete numpty when I was trying to explain what Twitter was. I think everyone, except maybe Aubrey, knows what it is. I’ve known Jenna for about year and don’t know anything about her. Maybe if I spend more time in Beaumont we can become friends, although I’m kidding myself thinking someone like her would want to be friends with someone like me. She reminds me of Chelsea with all her little foibles. Jenna’s always laughing when she’s with Josie and Katelyn, and it hasn’t escaped my notice that she’s never with a man.

  I sit in the corner and watch her as she waits on the customers. She takes them their food and drinks and does it all with a smile that lights up her face. I look around and watch the tables fill up with customers. A few of these people I’ve seen when I’ve performed here before. It’s nice to recognise some friendly faces, and I’ve partied with them a couple of times, but all too soon they start taking liberties and telling people they know the band. No one “knows” the band unless they’re family.

  A blonde girl waves her fingers at me, and I wink back, letting her think that she’s caught my eye. I can’t honestly say that she has, but she’ll flutter her eyes at me all night and I’ll flirt back until I see something better come along. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe she’ll be my next conquest for a couple of hours, although I’d hate it if Josie lost a customer because I definitely won’t be calling this one the next day.

  Liam says I should change, but I take great pleasure in reminding him that he was, in fact, exactly the same way. As is my dad and granddad. It’s in my blood to never settle down. My mum would like me to. She’d like me to find a nice girl who’s going to love me and take care of me, one that will give her grandchildren. The thought makes me shudder. No kids for me, not now, not ever. I saw what
my father’s cheating did to my mum, so no thank you very much. He learned his pathetic habit from his father and I’m not willing to hurt anyone like that. The amount of tears my mum shed over my father is ridiculous, he didn’t deserve them. I don’t want a girl crying over me like that.

  Jenna carries her tray past me again, paying no attention to me. What if I need another drink? Shouldn’t she wait on me? No, she knows better and so do I. Liam made it clear that we’re more than capable of helping ourselves around here. I look around once more and catch the blonde staring again. Maybe we should get better acquainted.

  I walk over to her and lean down to whisper, “Come outside with me.” I don’t wait for an answer and make my way out of the front door. I don’t care if she follows me or not, she’s one of many as far as I’m concerned.

  I lean against the wall, take out a cigarette and light it. As soon as I take a drag the door opens and the blonde steps out. She looks left then right, and smiles when she spots me. I want to roll my eyes at the way she’s walking. She thinks she’s a supermodel on a catwalk, the way she’s strutting her stuff and pouting. If she’s trying to impress me, it’s not working. I only want her for one thing.

  “Hi, Jimmy.”

  “Are you a fan?”

  “Of yours, I am.”

  Putty in my hands is what she is. I take another drag and exhale away from her. I’m a dickhead, but at least I have manners. I pull her closer and run my nose along the underside of her jaw inhaling her perfume. It smells sweet and sugary, not feminine at all. It’s a warning sign for me. It’s always the young ones that smell like candy. I can’t be too careful and definitely can’t afford any bad press.

  “How old are you?” I ask, pulling back.

  “Tonight’s my twenty-first birthday. We had plans until we saw your tweet. We drove an hour to get here.” Maybe I like Twitter after all.

  I pick up a few strands of her blonde ponytail and twist them around my finger. She steps closer and puts her hand on my chest. She’s shy. Her hand shakes. She’s expectant even though I can tell she’s never done something like this before.

  “Do you want a birthday kiss?” I ask, fully aware of what her answer will be. She nods, biting her lower lip. Her eyes go from mine to my lips and back again. I lean in, taking my time. I want to put her on the edge with just a little kiss, because that’s the game I like to play with the fangirls.

  “Jimmy?” I turn my head sharply. The girl’s head bounces on my shoulder.

  “Sorry, love,” I say without looking at her because I’m focused on a very pissed off Jenna. “What’s up, Sweet Lips?”

  “Liam is looking for you… I saw… never mind.” Jenna walks back into the café before I can say anything. I move away from the birthday girl only for her to grab my hand. I freeze and look down at our joined hands. I bring hers to my lips and place a kiss there before letting go.

  “Don’t you want to know my name?”

  I shake my head. “Sorry, love, it ain’t gonna work like that.” I leave her standing there with what I’m guessing is a hurt and annoyed look on her face. It’s a face I’ve seen many times before, but I can’t be arsed to care.

  I stub out my cigarette and throw it in the bin before running up the stairs to enter the café. Jenna’s behind the counter. She looks up, as if she heard me walk in, but I know that’s not possible because of the old guy sitting in the corner playing his banjo. I walk past her and head into the back. I stop before I’m out of sight and turn. She’s watching me, but looks back at her customer. I don’t know what I can say to her without sounding like a total knob.

  “Jenna said you were looking for me?”

  “Yeah we’re about to go on.”

  “Okay, cool.” I walk back to where I was sitting and pick up my guitar. The crooner is just taking a bow – who does that? The clapping is so minimal that I almost feel sorry for him. He was here in the hope of gaining a fan. Sucks for him that his performance is about to become instantly forgettable.

  A man sits down next to my table. I can tell straight away that he’s not from here. Thoughts of a potential agent slip through my mind. It would be nice to have a full-time agent again. This bloke is trying to hide. He keeps his hat on; the brim covering his eyes and doesn’t take off his coat.

  Harrison and Liam walk past me and I follow, stepping onto the makeshift stage. We are going with a toned down, acoustic version of our songs tonight. We can’t really perform like we’re in a normal venue. We’d bust the windows and I think Liam would be in the dog house if he did that. I put my guitar down and sit at the piano. We are starting with Guaranteed Tears, which seems to be a favourite with the radio DJ’s these days.

  Liam starts singing the lyrics and Harrison adds a soft drumbeat, enough to keep the tempo of the song. Jenna stops near the stage and puts down three bottles of water. I watch as she walks to her newest customer. He doesn’t look at her when he orders. I can’t take my eyes off her or shake the sudden bad feeling I’m getting from this guy. If he’s an agent, he’s not watching us and it doesn’t look like he’s listening.

  Jenna returns to his table with a tray full of drinks, she’s making her rounds. She puts his glass down, but he looks up and she screams, dropping the tray all over him, the table next to him and the floor. Glass shatters, getting Liam’s attention.

  The man stands up, grabbing Jenna’s arm.

  I stand, frozen. Liam jumps off the stage, quickly followed by Harrison.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” I hear Liam shout loudly. Other customers are moving away from the scene, some of them leave. I step off the stage and stand with my band mates.

  The man looks at Liam with menacing eyes. “Nothing,” he says through gritted teeth. “I’ll be back,” he says to Jenna. He doesn’t just let go of her arm; he tears his hand away causing her to scream out in pain. She falls into Harrison’s chest.

  Liam steps in front of the man. “If you need someone to pick on, I’m right here, big boy.”

  The man side-steps Liam and walks out of the café.

  “We’re closing,” Josie shouts out to the remaining clientele. “Don’t worry about your tabs. It’s on the house tonight.”

  Katelyn and Josie usher everyone out while Harrison holds a now crying Jenna. I feel like a total shit for not reacting sooner.

  “Who was that?” I ask, no longer willing to be a spectator here.

  “My ex-husband,” she says through her sobs. She’s the only one breathing right now because we are all standing here, not knowing what to say and, judging by the expressions on Josie and Katelyn’s faces, the ex being here is not a good thing.

  “I’M sorry. I’m so sorry, Princess. I didn’t mean to. Look at me.” He pulls up my face. His eyes full of tears as his thumb lightly caresses my cheekbone. I want to think those tears are for me, but how can I be sure? My husband, the man who vowed to love and protect me, did the unimaginable. I flinch and try to pull away, but his fingers dig into my neck. “Forgive me,” he whispers as his lips touch mine.

  I nod, fearful of my voice betraying me. I’ve never been hit in my life, not even when I was a child. But my husband of three months just backhanded me. His hand flew across my face. His knuckles crashed into my cheek as his arm extended. It’s my fault, I know. I should feel lucky that he’s still sitting here with me since I accidentally kneed him.

  He pulls me into his arms and onto his lap. He rocks me back and forth, holding me tighter and tighter. I wrap my arms around him afraid to let go. I cry into his shoulder as I try to figure out what just happened. I know he didn’t mean it, but that doesn’t lessen the fact that it happened.

  “I love you, Princess.” He says this over and over again in between placing kisses on my face. “You need ice. I’ll go get you some.” He moves me off his lap and onto the bed. I’m scared to look at my face. I don’t want to know what I look like. If the pain that I feel is substantial, I’m sure the evidence is going to be horrifying. I lie down, caref
ul not to bump my cheek. I’m trying not to cry, but the tears come regardless. My heart is breaking.

  Damien returns with a bag of ice and a towel. He is gentle when he touches my face. I hiss at the pressure being applied, but know I need it, even if I don’t want it. He crawls in the bed and sits behind me, cradling me to his body. He fits against me because we are made for each other. This is how I love to sleep, with his chest against my back, but right now I want to curl up into a ball and hide away from him and everyone else.

  I jump slightly when I hear the door lock. Harrison has one arm wrapped around me. His body is tense though. I can feel the strain in his muscles.

  “Who was that?” Jimmy asks again. I close my eyes and wait for the room to stop spinning. I knew he’d find me, but after being gone for so long I hoped he’d stop caring. I shouldn’t have stayed here for so long.

  “That, apparently, is her ex-husband,” Josie says from behind me. She puts her hand on my back, reassuring me. It’s not going to work. I need to leave Beaumont. I can’t stay here and let them be in danger.

  As I move away from Harrison he takes my arm and guides me to the nearest chair. Everything moves slowly, in a blur. Josie and Katelyn sit down, one on each side of me. Each places a hand on my back. They hover because they don’t know what else to do. Me? I just want to scream and head to the bus station with no destination in mind and start over.

  Liam and Harrison pull out a couple of chairs and sit down. Jimmy stands off to the side, staring. I try to offer him a smile, a weak one at that, but that doesn’t change his expression. His eyes are cold.

  “Jenna?” Liam says my name so quietly that I can barely hear him over the sounds in my head. I feel like my head is submerged in water. All I can hear is Damien warning me that he’ll be back in his cold, menacing voice. Everything echo’s around me. I jump when the coffee machine clicks, alerting us that it’s gone into sleep mode from lack of use.