Finding My Forever Read online

  Other Books by Heidi McLaughlin

  The Beaumont Series

  Forever My Girl

  My Everything – A Beaumont Series Novella

  My Unexpected Forever

  Lost in You

  For Jodie & Emily

  Jimmy Davis is a womanizer #stayaway

  Hung out with JD tonight #epicfail

  I hate Jimmy “JD” Davis #lifelesson

  4225 West’s JD is so freaking hot #inlove

  Call me, Jimmy #cantwaitfornextime

  I hate Twitter. It’s the worst thing ever invented. It’s an avenue for women to slag me off every chance they get and believe me, they’re relentless. I can’t quite figure out why they like to air their dirty laundry all over the Internet. Don’t they realise that millions of people see what they tweet and judge them on those 140 characters? Probably not, is my guess. They’re just adding fuel to fire for the next girl who wants a bit of Jimmy “JD” Davis so she can brag to her friends.

  Right now, there’s only one girl I want a taste of, but she’s not here, nor is she tweeting about our night together. I should take that as a sign that she’s not interested, but I don’t. It makes me want to have my wicked way with her again, show her exactly what I’m all about. If I didn’t leave her begging for more, then my game wasn’t up to par.

  I sigh heavily and turn away from the door back to the bar. The girl serving my drink winks at me, obviously thinking I’m interested because I’m looking in her direction. Sadly for her, she couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t piss where I eat. The reason I’ve sworn off relationships has just walked into the bar. I can ignore her, but she won’t ignore me. She likes to tease me, tempt me. She plays her game to remind me that she left me when I thought things were perfect.

  I put my phone away and study my beer bottle. It’s fascinating that the dark brown glass holding the amber liquid numbs my problems. I pick at the label in a failed attempt to look busy. I’m the prey right now, being hunted by the feminine wiles of two women. One, I’d take in a heartbeat, just to show her what she’s been missing. With the other one, I’d have to be really drunk. I like this bar. A lot. I don’t want to make the mistake of shitting on my own doorstep.

  “Hello, Jimmy.”

  I close my eyes at the sound of her voice. She finds me every year on this date without fail. I know it well; it’s our anniversary. So many things happened on this day. I thought I was smooth – always doing something special on the date we started going out. For the first year, I proposed. I slipped a three-carat diamond on her ring finger. The second year, after I signed my contract with 4225 West and we became famous, I bought her a house. On the third year, I caught her in our bed with another man. Well, actually it was two men, but the shock and hurt wasn’t any different. She destroyed me. Coincidentally, each event happened on the same day, our anniversary. Each year, for three years she gave me a memory I’ll never forget, no matter how hard I try. God I love that day.

  Chelsea Spencer sits down next to me. Her name alone screams money. I give her the once over, starting at her shoes, which are no doubt by some new designer I’ve never heard of; and work my way up her long, toned legs. I have every inch of them memorised, even when I’ve repeatedly tried to forget what they feel like wrapped around me. She’s wearing a black and white dress and her hair is styled to perfection. She’s a real life Barbie doll. Everything about her is refined. That should’ve been my first warning sign when we started seeing each other. Her parents hated me, but she wanted to show them she could make her own decisions and started dating the wannabe rock star. Even with my famous father and grandfather I wasn’t good enough for her.

  “Well, if it isn’t my beautiful ex. Tell me, sweetheart, to what do I owe the pleasure? I’m guessing it’s no coincidence that you’re here on our anniversary? Time flies when I’m not thinking about how you tore my heart out and trampled on it repeatedly.”

  “Dramatic much, Jimmy?”

  I shrug. “Just keeping it real, love.”

  Chelsea never shows emotion, at least not anymore. When we were together I made her laugh every day. Her mum told her that laughing would cause wrinkles and I told her I’d kiss each one away. Now she’s some straight-laced piece of totty who only smiles when she’s paid a compliment. It’s a pity really because she’s so beautiful when she laughs.

  She orders a white wine spritzer. I try not to laugh at how stuck-up she’s become since we broke up. When we were together she was a beer drinker. It’s funny how things change people.

  “How’s your business doing?”

  “What business would that be, Jimmy?”

  I knock back my beer and slam the bottle down hard on the bar. I signal for another and gain a wink in return. Too bad she’s barking up the wrong tree.

  “The escort service.” I try to stifle my laugh, but to no avail. Chelsea slaps me across my arm. It stings, but I don’t show it. I can’t let her know that she still affects me in any way.

  “You’re such an imbecile, you know that?”

  “Yet, here you sit next to me trying to catch my attention with your legs. Is this your way of showing me what’s on offer, because I have news for you, Chelsea, I ain’t buying it. So what do you want?”

  Chelsea turns in the stool and faces the bar. “I saw that the band filed a restraining order against Moreno Entertainment.”

  “Yeah, we did. We’ve been having some issues with Sam. Do you remember her?”

  “I do. She was an evil little thing, wasn’t she?”

  “Still is,” I answer before taking a swig of my beer.

  “Was,” Chelsea states.

  “What do you mean, was?”

  She takes out a newspaper clipping and puts it down in front of me. My eyes widen as I read the article

  Samantha Moreno was found dead in her apartment after an apparent drug overdose. She is the daughter of…

  I reread the first line multiple times so that I can recite it word for word. I need to tell Liam.

  “When did this happen?”

  “Right after Christmas,” Chelsea says.

  The wedding was after Christmas. It makes me wonder whether this was a reaction to Liam getting hitched.

  “Look Jimmy that’s not why I’m here. Obviously I had this in my purse for a bit, waiting to find you.”

  I cock my head and glare at her. She always has an ulterior motive. “What do you want?”

  “I miss you, Jimmy. I was thinking we should try again.”

  “Pardon me? I think I misheard you. I’m pretty sure you said you wanted us to start over, but I know that can’t be the case since mummy dearest would have a fit and daddy would cut you off. Surely you prefer spending your dosh more than you like having me hanging around.”

  “That’s not true, Jimmy. I made a mistake.” And she’s making one now. I flinch when she touches me, but that doesn’t register with her. She keeps her hand on my shoulder, her perfectly manicured nails tracing circles on my shirt.

  “A mistake? Is that what you call shagging two blokes in my bed?” I finish my beer and signal for my tab. ”Listen, Chels, I need to get going. You can call me or whatever, but I’m not sure how the whole dating thing will work out.” I kiss her on the cheek as I get up throwing some cash on the table for my bill. Thing is, if she’s serious, I’d probably let my heart take a kicking and take her back.

  As the girl behind the bar takes my tab, I have second thoughts about not pissing where I eat. I’m frustrated and I have needs, and right now I need to get Chelsea out of my brain. I signal to the girl with the ‘fuck me eyes’ and she knows exactly what I want. Chelsea’s mouth drops open. She knows what I’m about to do and right now, I don’t give a flying fuck
.

  I shoulder my guitar while I wait for my suitcases to show up on the baggage reclaim. Thoughts of leaving Chelsea at the bar play over and over in my mind. Most would call me an idiot for leaving her behind last night when she’s pretty much an easy shag for me, but the heartache that comes from loving her is too much to bear, even if it’s for one night or two. Her incessant text messages clogged up my phone as soon as I disappeared with the bargirl. She even had the nerve to ask me what I was doing. I have no doubts that she listened outside the bathroom door. The bargirl was definitely the safer option last night for sure.

  Chelsea’s parents don’t approve of me and she always listens to them. They have the money that lets her live a lavish lifestyle and while I know I could make sure she is well looked after, it would never be what she’s used to.

  I haven’t called Liam or Harrison to let them know I’d be back a week early. Liam is still in his honeymoon period and Harrison is shacking up with his honey, playing house and all that crap. They don’t need to open their doors to me when they’re busy like this.

  I stand patiently at the car-hire desk. I didn’t make a reservation because, to be honest, I didn’t think I needed one in such a small town. Yet here I am, tapping my fingers lightly on the desk while the clerk bites her lower lip and flips her hair every so often while staring at a computer screen. Subtlety is obviously not her forté. I have no doubt that on the screen is her frigging Twitter profile and she’s tweeting something about me. Maybe I should search for my name while I stand here and tweet her back.

  I look at my watch and exhale loudly. By the time she gets around to finding me a car, I could be knocking on Liam’s door and sitting down for breakfast.

  “Sweetheart, would it be easier if I found a different car-hire place to provide my transport while I’m in Beaumont?”

  “Oh no, Mr. Davis, I was just communicating with our fleet manager. I’m printing the paperwork now.” And just like that the printer starts spitting out my hire contract. Amazing how that happens.

  She puts the contract down on the desk and shows me where to sign my name. When she hands me my copies, her business card is attached at the top.

  “Call me if you have any problems. I’ve even included my cell number in the event that we’re closed.”

  “Aren’t you open twenty-four hours?” The look on her face is priceless. I’ve never seen someone blush so quickly before. Okay, that’s a lie. There’s that girl that I’m itching to see again. I had her blushing in a matter of seconds, which I think was a record, even for me. Usually I have to sweet talk and romance them first, but not her.

  I look around for a hidden camera. This is a moment I want to document. I wink at her as I pick up my keys. Her face turns even redder. She tries to smile, but it looks more like a frown. I hope she doesn’t do anything stupid now that her attempt at being sexy has failed miserably.

  I find my car easily enough in their enormous fleet of fifteen vehicles. I don’t know why people – women, in particular – just don’t come out and say what’s on their minds. Hell, maybe she could’ve paid me a compliment. That would’ve made my day. But no, they um and ah around the topic and the only thing they succeed in is wasting my time.

  When I pull up at Liam’s, I’m happy to see Harrison is here. Now that I’m here it will give us more time to finalise what will be on the CD before Tyler arrives to start on the production. As much as I wish we were in LA doing this crap, I like coming out to Beaumont to escape reality. There are no paparazzi to bug us. I can chill out with family without people hiding in the bushes or analysing everything I’m buying at the supermarket. Liam was right when he moved back. The way of life here is total serenity.

  The only thing missing is the eye candy. I need them. They entertain me and remind me that I’m nothing better than what my father said I would be. I won’t be stupid though. I won’t get any of my girls up the duff, and I’ll definitely never get married. Kids and marriage complicate things. My dad was married to my mum for a long time, but had so many flings on the side that he lost track, same with my grandfather. I guess it’s in the Davis’ blood to not be tied down.

  I walk down the stairs to the studio. Both of them turn and look at me. Their stupid big grins tell me that they’re up to no good. Good thing I’m here to burst their happy little bubble.

  “Sam’s offed herself.”

  Liam and Harrison freeze like statues and their mouths fall open.

  “What did you say?” Liam asks.

  “Chelsea came by looking for a shag and showed me a newspaper article reporting that Sam died of an apparent drug overdose just after Christmas.”

  “She’s dead?” Liam asks again.

  I nod and watch for another reaction from him. I’m not gonna lie, Sam being gone gives us more opportunities. We’ve been thinking for a while now that she’s been influencing venues and blocking them from working with us and we know for a fact that she sabotaged our tour. I never want to wish bad luck onto people, but Sam not being in the picture anymore is a blessing in disguise.

  “That’s sort of messed up,” Harrison says. He’s right, it is.

  “I never wanted her to die. I just wanted to be free. We’re free,” Liam says.

  Harrison and I nod. We’re free.

  I’VE managed to survive a vicious three-year marriage to the most vile man I’ve ever known. For years he tried to get me pregnant and each time I did what I had to do to prevent it. I feared the day that he would find out about my methods, but it was a risk I was willing to take. There was no way I could bring an innocent child into the world with him as the father. Yet, here I sit, surrounded by dozens of pregnancy tests all telling me what I already know. The swollen breasts, tight fitting clothes and protruding stomach are signs I’ve been trying to ignore, but I can’t anymore. I’m about to be a mother. One slightly drunken moment and I’m pregnant and all I can think is thank God this child doesn’t belong to my ex-husband.

  You never know someone well enough. I thought I knew Damien Mahoney. I loved him and thought he loved me, but I was sadly mistaken. Our courtship lasted two years until we were married in a fairytale ceremony. My Cinderella wedding dress still hangs in my parents’ closet. I never wanted to part with it, even after I left him. My tiara sits atop my childhood dresser, collecting dust, no doubt. Our marriage was anything but a fairytale. I didn’t get my happily ever after. I got abused, physically and mentally.

  No one ever prepares you for the abuse, whether it’s by the hands of the man your father gave you to in front of all your family and friends; or by the hateful and hurtful words that come out of the mouth from the one who vowed to love you, who stood up in front of everyone and said he’d always protect you. When the first slap comes, when you feel the sting resonate across your cheek, you forget those vows. You forget that the man standing in front of you is your husband and you ask yourself why.

  The first hit came one night after we had been out with some friends. We started fooling around when we got home and I accidentally hit him between the legs. It was a kneejerk reaction to something he did. I jumped and caught him. I apologized and kept trying to touch him, only to have him bat my hands away each time. That should’ve been my sign to leave him alone, but I kept at it, trying to comfort him. His hand came across my face so fast I didn’t have time to register what was happening until I was holding my cheek and tears were flowing down my face.

  He held me tight. Promised me it would never happen again. I believed him.

  Until he lied.

  After each incident he would beg me to forgive him. He’d tend to my cuts and bruises. He’d berate and belittle himself. He promised me it was the last time.

  Until it wasn’t.

  I learned how to hide my bruises from my friends and family. I became a klutz every time I’d break my arm or collarbone. I pretended I loved him.

  Until I couldn’t.

  I stayed because I had taken my vows seriously. I stayed because he
sought help and for a while it worked.

  Until it didn’t.

  Some would think that leaving was the hard part, but that’s not the case. The hardest part was calling my dad to tell him that I needed help. I had to wait until Damien went on a business trip. When I knew he was gone, I finally found the courage to call my dad and tell him everything. He came that night, packed my belongings and took me home. My dad never said anything. He moved fluidly through my house while I stood there with tears streaming down my face. The car ride to my parents was the longest ride ever. He didn’t speak until we pulled into the driveway.

  He sat there, staring straight ahead with his hands holding onto the steering wheel. He said, “Jenna, you’re my daughter and if I didn’t raise my hand to you, then no man will.”

  The next night I left and ended up in Beaumont. I left my parents behind. I added my signature on divorce papers that my father prepared for me and promised to file. I left for a place where I had no ties and was far enough away from the main road that I could blend in and get to know everyone. I’ve been here for four years and love it. It took me the first two until I could finally walk around without always looking over my shoulder. I know Damien will find me. He’ll come for me. It’s only a matter of time.

  And now here I am, happy and sad that I’m pregnant. I don’t know what I’ll tell my parents. They’ll want to meet the man responsible and that’s just not possible. He has a life away from me and it was a one-time thing. It’s not like I can call him up and ask if he remembers me and drop the bomb mid conversation, “oh by the way...”

  I’m trying not to freak out. I know I can do this, but I’ll need more hours at the store or I’ll have to find a new job. I don’t want to quit on Josie though. I’ll have to talk to her. I pick up all the applicators and throw them away, saving one. I’m not sure why, but it feels right.

  The clock shows just after five – I need to get to Whimsicality for open mic night. This is a night where I’ll make decent tips. Now that Josie can serve alcohol, nights like these have been a hit. People sign-up weeks in advance just for the small hope that they’ll be playing in front of someone from 4225 West. The guys are usually in the back and rarely make an appearance. Liam doesn’t want to take away from what Josie is doing for these artists.